I wish to go on a quest, BUT what should my QUEST be?

• office cleaning services
• office for rent
• office security systems
• quest billing

Something where I can stab dragons with turtles, something where I can kick people who wish to help me in the knee. And then say, I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a foot to the knee.

Additional Details

Oh, and I love turtles, they are my warriors.

And they make good swords too.

I wish to go on a quest, BUT what should my QUEST be?